Entertainment :: Theatre
Hedda Lettuce: Hedda Stateby Nicholas MessingProvincetown MagazineWednesday Aug 15, 2007 Hedda Lettuce has announced her intention to run for president, and the world may never be the same. While she’s not exactly sure which party she’s representing, this "glamorpuss" wants to bring Hollywood glitz back to the White House. Her campaign slogan is "We Can’t Do Any Worse," and considering our current Commander in Chief, this is probably true. But you could certainly do much worse on the local entertainment scene than choosing this evening of highspirited comedy, song and dance with one of New York City’s most notorious drag queens.
Storming the stage in a green-streaked blonde wig and a star-spangled outfit she likens to "Wonder Woman on crack," Hedda Lettuce lets loose her rousing opening number after a barrage of insults to audience members and complaints about barking in her heels for the previous two hours. Say what you will about Hedda, she knows how to stir up controversy on and off stage-one of her less amicable campaign slogans is "I Love You, No Matter How Ugly You Are." Later in the show, Hedda Lettuce gives audience members the opportunity to return the sentiment by passing the mic so they can shout out expletives as part of a catchy sing-along.
Hedda’s relentless comedy is firmly planted in X-rated territory as she jokes about Mexican sex change operations and being the only female candidate with balls, with the exception of Hilary Clinton. Educating the public on the distinction between a transvestite and a transsexual, Lettuce states her case as the best candidate for president by explaining that she offers the best of both genders. Demonstrating a motherly sensitivity in matters of foreign policy, Hedda lovingly speaks of her adopted child Cluck-Cluck, whom she won on Ebay after a bidding war with Angelina Jolie. Showing off her acting skills with brilliant one-gesture imitations of classic film stars, Hedda proves that she has all the right moves to act as the figurehead of the executive branch, but who could argue when she says our government is run by monarchy and what she really wants is to be crowned as queen?
Unfortunately vestiges of the democratic voting system remain in effect, so Hedda Lettuce must prove that she’ll win your vote by any means necessary. One of her crowd-pleasing platforms is a motion to fight the inundation of "talentless hags" like Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan with the song, "She Can’t Sing, She Can’t Dance, But She’s Famous." As if Hedda’s singing, dancing and spontaneous comedy in classic accents weren’t enough, she has a gift for constantly delivering the most hysterical facial expressions with the aspect of a cartoon character. So what if the majority of Hedda’s presidential candidacy appears to consist of her entertaining skills- that’s more than most politicians have to offer.
After winding her way through a delightfully offensive program, Hedda caps things off with a brilliant anti-Bush song that is more timely and relevant than any celebrity impersonation or karaoke routine. Taking donations for the CASAS animal shelter as the audience exits the theatre, Hedda Lettuce shows that her heart is in the right place, even if her green-haired persona relies on constantly stirring up the pot.
Hedda Lettuce: Hedda State
Monday-Wednesday at 9 PM, through August 29
Provincetown Art House Theatre
214 Commercial St.
508.487.9222
 Copyright Provincetown Magazine. For more articles from Ptown's premiere weekly, visit www.provincetownmagazine.net
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