Columnists :: The Dating Diet
You Like Me. You Really Like Me.
Can someone tell me the name of the guy my friend Pete is dating? I want to find him on Facebook, but Pete won’t give me any leads. He thinks I’ll go blabbing about it in my column. He’s like, "I don’t want the country knowing what I put in my butt."
Anthony Paull is a syndicated columnist, author and filmmaker from Sarasota, Florida. Visit anthonypaull.com for more info.
Other Recent Columns
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Talking Out Your Ass
Can someone tell me what happened to Facebook? I remember when my friends would get drunk and post unflattering pictures. Now everyone is mature and talking about babies and crockpots and anti-aging creams and going to bed early on school nights.
The Lollipop Kid
"We need to stop at the Sugar Shop," I tell Greg. Meeting in Vegas for the weekend we’re ready for a night of dancing and debauchery when he reveals that he’s been having a hard time nailing his hotel roommate.
The Cream of the Cropped
I once had a prominent politician say I was more of a publicity whore than a journalist. I was insulted, taking offense at the superfluous word ’publicity’ until I found myself drunk scribbling ’Anthony Paull gives good head’ on the bathroom wall.
Daddy Daycare
I started doing away with New Year resolutions in my twenties when I began to realize that nobody gives a shit what I resolve.
Let’s Get Physical
I’m an awful friend because I’m not in support of Doug and his less-than-sexy fling with a doctor even though it’s not technically a fling.
Fifty Shades of Cray Cray
I can’t say why I’m reading "Fifty Shades of Grey." What I discover is I need a steely vagina and a man willing to beat me into submission.
Walking With a Ghost
There’s a time in every adult man’s life when he realizes he’s no longer a kid. For me, it occurred while hanging out at a theme park without a kid of my own, right when I realized I looked like a pedophile.
Chicken Fellatio
"I can’t believe it. He’s pissed off because I used to eat Chick-Fil-A. My mom’s pissed because I eat meat in general, and my dad’s pissed because I eat penis. What am I supposed to eat?"
Under The Sheets
I’m not sure what to do with my girl Jackie. Her boyfriend recently taught her what it’s like to go anal, and now she’s convinced that she should have been born a gay man.
All Eyes On You
My father’s new thing is he has absolutely no boundaries. I don’t know when we’ve come to this point in our relationship but I believe it started somewhere around the time he hit 65 and stopped giving a shit.
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