The Vagina Between My Eyes

Many people have an innate fear of looking old before their time. For gay men, looking aged is a fate worse than death. As someone who became a dad at nearly forty-one, I often worry about looking old for Elly.

I have avidly followed a cleansing, exfoliating, and moisturizing ritual for years now. With the exception of a little sun damage (damn you 80's!), I was feeling pretty good about how I looked for my age. That is, until the night we had cocktails with our friend Justin the plastic surgeon.

Part way through my first Negroni, I had mustered up the courage to ask Justin if I should be concerned about my smile lines. He smiled and promptly reassured me that they weren't a problem. I instantly breathed a sigh of relief and took a sip of my drink. And then it happened.... BAM! "But you could fill in that vagina between your eyes."

Oh, waiter! I'll be needing the entire bottle please! Justin was referring to a dent-like dimple (wrinkle? - gasp!) on my forehead right between my eyebrows. Up until that point, I had never even noticed it. Now, it's all that I can see. And of course it doesn't help that he referred to it as a "vagina." I have nothing against vaginas. I just have no use for one - and definitely not between my eyes.

But, even with my new crevice-invaded face, the true victim here was Greg. I'm almost certain that Greg watched this scene play out in slow motion - like in a bad dream, where you try to scream but lose your voice. Noooooooooo! Just as soon as Jason's words were muttered, Greg knew what would ensue. While I may be the one with a beaver between my eyes, he would have to live with the incessant questioning that would continue for ages. And since my crack wasn't likely to go away on its own, he was in it for the long haul.

As soon as we left the bar, Greg gave me the one piece of advice I wish I had known before. "Never ask a plastic surgeon if you need any work done." Thanks. Now it makes perfect sense. But can you call a gynecologist and have him tell that to my vagina, please?

I don't think that I'm ready for Botox quite yet. I'd rather be able to make a host of facial expressions instead of looking permanently surprised or aghast. But I must admit that I have enhanced my regime. Crank up that SPF, boost that alpha-hydroxy and smear on that eye cream!

Oh well. Time to chase Elly around the house and play "boo." I may not look like the youngest dad, but I'm young at heart. I just have to remember not to scrunch up my face. *wink*